Rounding Third: Six years of college has left me to think, "What am I going to do with my life?"

I'm rounding third and headed home as the winter holidays are on the horizon and the thought of starting off 2011 in Tempe is becoming all but real. Having been in graduate school for a little over a year, I find myself eight months from graduation and happy about what the future might hold. Having garnered up a lifetime of internship experience in the short time I have been here, I feel satisfied in knowing that I did everything I could to truly experience the sports and entertainment industry to its fullest. Yet while I find myself on the verge of becoming the first Masters Degree holder in my generation, I have found little to cheer about as the job market is still slacking and I am still trying to mold my identity in this fast paced, network heavy industry. Having studied hard in school and invested endless amounts of time, energy and effort into moving from the ranks of human performance and health, to the world of non-profit and corporate business, I have to say that at times I have often felt lost and confused. When I applied to graduate school I was excited about the opportunities that lay ahead in Southern California, in particular Los Angeles, otherwise known as the sports and entertainment capital of the world. Having packed my bags for what may have been the biggest leap of faith I could have ever imagined, I set out in search of my identity poised to attack the industry as ferociously as I had my academics, sports and life. After many sleepless nights wondering what my next move would be, where I was going to take my young and budding career or what I wanted to do with my life, these long winded self conversations became all the more frequent the further I went into my program. As an unpaid intern you learn that hard work, a dedication to your craft and a willingness to add value are all keys to your success. Yet the one glaring aspect that has continued to be a stress in my life is the lack of financial support and security. Having worked nearly five years unpaid during my college career, it remains a daily struggle to maintain balance when you are living off of sub par meals and restricted food options just to make sure you have enough money to pay the bills at the end of the month. My family, friends and faith have been paramount in this journey as I have received unbelievable support from my parents, brother and countless friends back home during my time away. I am not much of a phone person and usually resort to Facebook, Twitter or texting to keep in touch, its just the way I am but I have made an effort to improve my communication skills with those back home. I love them all to death, and while many may assume that I am all work and no play right now...well their right. I look at these two years in California as my make it or break it opportunity and won't stop pushing until I have my degree in hand and a job to show for all the effort I put in. Without the thoughts and prayers from countless others I know I could not do this. Being away from Oregon and here in LA is a whole different world, but one that I am adjusting to over time. As for my faith, God is the light of my world and his love and grace is endless. I pray a lot, but keep my faith to myself as I feel that it is a personal relationship between me and the man upstairs. I am always down to discuss topics and issues if others are interested in learning about the word, but reserve the right to withhold comment if others say things I find a bit offensive or ill timed. I like to say that, "Through God All Things are Possible!" I strongly believe that every opportunity that I have been given down here from being accepted to grad school, hired as an intern at UCI/TWF/AEG, and more importantly the people I have met were all part of his divine plan for my life and for that I am forever grateful. But as I sit here about to get going on another productive day in the AEG offices in LA, I could not help but let my mind wander on the drive up having spent yesterday packing my bags in preparation for my permanent jump to the Los Angeles area. While I was packing, the music playing in the background as I threw used clothes in bags for Goodwill, boxed up books for safe keeping and tossed out useless junk I had accumulated over time in Orange County, I felt dazed and confused. Part of me was thinking, wishing and hoping I was packing my bags to heading back to Portland. That beautiful Pacific Northwest city on the the banks for the Willamette I call home and miss so much. The most difficult thing so far about living here in California has been trying to convince myself that this was in fact home. I have never really felt settled and have often remained guarded when it comes to meeting people outside of work because I lack stability in my personal life outside the walls of the office. The lack of stability in my life, coupled with my struggle to find my identity in the industry has left me with nothing but question marks as I ready myself to start work on my Masters Thesis and try and wrap my head around what I feel is important in my life. After much thought I have found that I am still not in the pursuit of money, fancy clothes, a nice car and the skyline loft overlooking the city. For me, it seems to always come back to my working with children with mental and physical disabilities and the impact that experience had on my life. Having once desired to go to Physical Therapy school, I found that working with these children, on anything from court (throwing, kicking, running), aquatic (swimming, diving,submerging) and communication (social interaction, speech) skills has been the most rewarding and gratifying experience of my life. With a desire to pursue my studies, after a year or two of real world experience via a Doctorate program or second Masters Degree, I feel that I must find a way to further develop my skill set with this population. Oregon State has a phenomenal Movement Studies in Disabilities program at both levels. While the pay isn't great and the job not all that easy, the relationships that I formed during my time in the OSU IMPACT program have come full circle and made me realize that this is where I need to be. While I have relished in the experience of sports business, I in no way consider my time down here to be a waste as the thought of opening my own Adapted Performance Center in the future is the sole reason why I found it important to gain the business skills I have acquired. With the intention of reaching out to a fellow alum at UCLA that works in a similar program for research opportunities, as well as the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs, CO, my goal is to continue to help these individuals with disabilities aim high and reach their dreams in the ultimate pursuit of athletic success. Ultimately what it comes down to for me is finding a career that isn't self motivated, but rather a job and a position that inspires me to produce meaningful work everyday. Working your way up the ladder is the way of the world no matter which way you slice it, but working in a field that brings you true satisfaction makes that process so much more irrelevant and unimportant. Whether its working with the USOC, a privately owned human performance center, hospital or university, I will find my way into a position that will allow me to continue to work with these individuals. With a desire to also work with service men and women that have been injured in war related incidents, I set out today I my search to produce a Masters Thesis and find a career. One that will let me identify, work with, and build an identity around self sacrifice, unselfishness and a desire to work everyday for the betterment of others. Without these three principles, life in my eyes is not worth living and the work is not worth doing. While it may take me awhile to finally reach the position of my dreams, its the idea of giving unto others that has lead me to look inside myself to ultimately find out how I should move forward with my life's work.